Well, today was not good on the whole. Pretty depressing, actually. And, as always, the one person who could have continued to make it better just made it a little worse. But whatever.
I have not been to history class in over a week. I need to go on Wednesday, but my work also needs to be done. I bombed an ear training midterm last week. Ear training is a breeze for me. I do not know what is going on.
More than ever I want to leave here. I am doubting what his society and this school is doing for me. I am unconvinced of their general approach to education. Since I was a child, education has been the main means of separation between "successful" and "unsuccsessful" people- those who wanted something out of life and those who were content living a menial one. But don't we all want something from life? Namely happiness? And no one can give you the path to reach it. Find your own.
For me, though I am a social person and enjoy the benefits of urban dwelling, I don't really care to be a functioning member of society. I am nobody's function, and I function for no one but myself. So my perfect life may very well be hermit residence in a forest somewhere. Somewhere with consistent and temperate weather. Somewhere I can practice violin for eight hours per day and listen to recordings and feel connected to something I choose to connect to- that chooses to connect to me. Somewhere that my husband/wife and I can live a life free of whatever it is that the city is dependent on. A life massive libraries and tea and quiet time. An independence unknown to the rest of he world. A life without taxes- because those are just annoying.
I want to feel that joy of letting Mozart fill a room and experiencing the most private, enveloping pain you will experience at any time on this Earth. These things are all I want: independence/responsibility, love, and music. How hard can it be to find them?
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